A Royal Mess!


While Kate, William and Harry rather enjoyed the high-tea boerie rolls, Queenie Getryda has caused nothing but chaos in her wake! Her only royal duties last week were to host a high tea and pose for a high-end photoshoot. If only she would stick to what she’s told to do.

Let’s start with the calamity of a high tea. After sending the royal cooks into a panic with her last minute boerie roll change, she decided that the Earl Grey tea needed to be replaced with Rooibos. When she was done shlurping through her fourth teacup, she clinked the regal ceramic with the kitchen’s steak knife and announced that all women will receive free jewellery on their birthdays because: “Eff’rybody should feel pretty on their birf’day”. The inappropriate behaviour didn’t end there. While being escorted outside for some fresh air, Queenie G declared the royal guards do the Pantsula dance every hour on the hour and hold Vuvuzelas instead of rifles.

Can’t handle the cringe anymore? Well, for her substitute Royal Highness’s photoshoot she really outdid herself. Queenie Getryda arrived late … on the back of a motorbike. She walked in with a pair of hot pants and a crop top (new belly ring and all), a pair of slip slops and her hair had been dyed pink and purple. The photographer fainted. Followed by the Queen’s PR lady.

It’s safe to say Queenie G caused more than a few grey hairs and a plethora of panic attacks in the Palace. With another week left on the throne, only time will tell what other mischief this stand-in will cause.

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